First, I would like to preface that if you are reading this review you should be aware that there are trigger warnings for sex assault, rape, and age gap relationships. If you are okay with the following trigger warnings, then you can proceed in reading this review.

If I could sum this novel up into a brief statement it would be hauntingly eerie yet beautiful. I have very mixed feelings regarding what I think of this novel. There were emotions that surfaced while reading that scared me: I felt sick to my stomach. Although there are mixed emotions I have relating to the themes of this novel, I believe that everyone should get the chance to read this captivating piece of work.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell is a novel that switches between past and present day. It follows the story of a girl named Vanessa Wye as she goes throughout high school and into her thirties while being involved in a relationship with her much older professor Jacob Strane. The story shows the impact that sexual assault and rape can have on the mind and development of a young/ naive teen. It shows that even when you think you have moved on from a traumatic situation there will always be a part of it that lingers and clings to you.

It’s hard to tell who started the relationship, Strane or Vanessa. If it weren’t for a couple of lines, I would have not seen the beginning of this horrific relationship. As all good predators pick out their victim, slowly, patiently, and slyly, he started out with compliments about her appearance and the way her hair was the color of maple leaves. He baited her without her realizing it. As the reader, I felt as if I was in the same boat as Vanessa. I could hardly tell what tricks he was playing. Once, he saw that she loved his remarks about her visually, he began to pick the insides of her brain. Knowing her love for reading, Strane picked the best book to brainwash her with. ” Flipping the paperback over, I see a pair of skinny legs in ankle socks and saddle shoes, a pleated skirt ending above two knobby knees. In big white letters across the legs: Lolita” (Russell, pp. 72). This is the book that starts Vanessa’s obsession of Lolita, which she refers to time and time again throughout the novel.

For those who have never heard of the taboo novel Lolita. It was written by a Russian-American author named Valdimir Nobokov in 1955. It tells the story of Lolita, a 12-year-old child that fell prey to an older man who bribed her for sexual favors. In more ways than none, the story of My Dark Vanessa mimics the story of Lolita quite a bit. Although Strane did not bribe Vanessa monetarily, he did bribe her to not say anything about their relationship with his time and affection.

There is a certain portion of this novel that has me feeling like a monster. It is the part where Vanessa and Strane have sexual relations for the first time. There are moments where the writing sounds lovely and beautiful, but then I have to remember that she is fourteen or fifteen. you can see how she is torn about the event herself. She believes his gestures before sex to be sweet, but it isn’t until the physical act happens that you can tell she is scared and worried. She begins to disassociate from what is taking place. Though I feel horrible for saying that there was any part of this scene that I enjoyed, I think this goes to show how manipulative this shows Strane to be. He gives her gift after gift making her believe that he loves her, but what he really wants is to prey on her. To the contrary, I think Russell wants readers to feel confused. I think she wants readers to feel good and bad all at once. It is my opinion that she wants readers to feel the exact way Vanessa felt in the moment of her rape.

This novel is dark and pulls at your soul in more than one way. There are theme and events that occur that you will never want to experience yourself. It leaves you with too many emotions to count some disturbing and some fulfilling. I think if you are looking for something to move you and stay with you for a lifetime you will love this novel just as much as I did.